My name is Daan. I was discharged on 17 June 2022 after completing my 5-week programme at Toevlug Centre.
When I walked out, I quickly realised that what we learned inside was true: “You change, but the world out there hasn’t changed.”
It was incredible to be back home, but at the same time, I was filled with anxiety. For so long you’re in this safe space, cut off from the busy world outside, free from problems, stress, or worries.
My family welcomed me with open arms. The gratitude on their faces to have me back home was indescribable.
I didn’t have my children back yet when I was discharged, and I knew I still had a lot of work to do. Most importantly, I had to stay clean this time—not just to get my children back, but to keep them in my life.
I applied the very first rule of all (and it was a choice I made at Toevlug): to stay away from all “friends” or people associated with my drug use.
I remember when they told us this in Toevlug, I literally broke down in tears. The idea of not having any contact with my old friends was heartbreaking. Of course, I realised—much later—that they had never truly been my friends at all.
I followed the basic rule of avoiding certain places, friends, and things. It’s a rule I still follow today, even after three years clean.
I joined the CAD meetings every Monday evening and only stopped when I started working and it became difficult to attend regularly.
I surrounded myself daily with people who only wanted the best for me. I had a sort of sponsor—an older woman and her husband whom I met at church. We would go for a walk together every afternoon. I tried to maintain a healthy lifestyle as we had done in Toevlug. She was also someone I could share my sadness, desires, and emotions with.
I was 100% honest with her as well as with my family. I reached a point where I realised that hiding anything from anyone wouldn’t help—just like we learned about the snowball effect.
To this day, I share any dreams, smells, or cravings to use with my family. I believe that once I’ve said it out loud and shared it, it’s out there—and I can’t carry that thought, craving, or feeling any further.
I’ve read a lot about mindfulness and emotional intelligence. It’s something I’ve always wanted to work on. My temper and the way I handled situations always led me straight to drugs. That was my “escape”.
I read a lot and practised every day to be a better version of myself. I must add that even after three years without drugs, it’s still something I practise daily—to handle situations better. How you respond determines the outcome, just as I learned at Toevlug.
Life out here isn’t always easy—problems still exist, and financial challenges cross our path. That’s why it’s important to me how I respond to them.
I got involved in a church where I volunteered to help at the coffee station. This meant I had to go to church every Sunday—even when I didn’t feel like it—because they were counting on me. Almost a year later, going to church isn’t a question in my house—it’s a must.
Do I think I’m strong enough to resist tik? YES.
Will I put myself in a position to find out if I’m strong enough? NO.
Because no one who is clean is willing to gamble everything they’ve worked for.
If I had to sum up everything that helped me get to where I am today, it’s that I surrounded myself with positivity.
Even now, every day, I decide for myself whose company I want to keep and what I want to be part of—because I have the right to decide whether something or someone is good for me or not.
And every day, I am rewarded by being able to tuck my children in at night and see their little faces first thing in the morning… and then it’s all worth it.
Sobriety is not easy but it’s worth it!
