I arrived at Toevlug’s front gate on Monday, 13 January, scared of the unknown awaiting me and deeply downhearted about the life I had left behind, as well as the uncertainty of its future.
From the very first phone call I made to enquire about the possibility of being admitted, the staff at Toevlug were warm and welcoming. Although other options were available, it was the meaning of the centre’s name—refuge—that became the deciding factor for me.
When I arrived, I was welcomed by caring staff members and three other (much younger) patients who would eventually become close friends. As the first intake of the year, we had the place to ourselves, and the healing began—with plenty of rest while detoxing, reading countless books, and relaxing in the evenings with games of pool, Rummikub, table tennis, swimming, and, later, when more groups joined, cricket, soccer, and many other activities.
One of the most important healing habits I learned at Toevlug was the value of having a daily routine and sticking to it. I still begin each day by expressing gratitude for my blessings, followed by breakfast, a reasonable amount of work (nothing like the excessive hours I kept before), caring for or cooking for my mum, and some form of exercise—whether walking my dog in Hermanus’ Kleinrivier mountain range, along the cliff path or on the beach, boogie boarding, swimming, playing bridge, or something else to keep my days full. Evenings are for television, reading, and mindfulness or breathing exercises before ending the day with a prayer of thanks.
While at Toevlug, I often regretted not having the opportunity to experience a rehabilitation centre much earlier in life. I shared this sentiment repeatedly with fellow patients and staff. At 65, I realised I had been ill-equipped to handle the challenges life had thrown my way. Past traumas had haunted me for years, and I had never learned how to work through them. From a young age, I was taught not to show emotions or talk about painful experiences—just to get on with life. Ironically, that coping style became my “refuge.”
Toevlug’s multidisciplinary team gave me answers I had long been seeking. I cannot express enough gratitude for the care they took with me—offering psychological, psychiatric, and pastoral guidance, often through long, meaningful conversations.
The daily lectures were informative, thought-provoking, and eye-opening. I had never truly understood that addiction is an illness, not a weakness of will. I learned so much—not just about addiction, but about life. In recent years I had tended to isolate myself, yet at Toevlug I rediscovered my enjoyment of being around others and my ability to empathise with them.
The staff were skilled at identifying problems and addressing them professionally. From the gardeners to the talented chefs, the nursing staff, social workers, psychologist, and psychiatrist—everyone was caring, supportive, and empathetic, yet firm when it came to rules and boundaries.
If I had to sum up my time at Toevlug, I would say it truly lives up to its name: a safe haven where patients receive the best possible care from people who go the extra mile every day. I arrived broken, and I left on 14 February with my head held high, ready to face whatever the future might hold.
That said, I was apprehensive about returning home and leaving the safety of the nest—and I still sometimes wish I could be back in that secure environment. But I now handle life’s challenges, particularly caring for my mum, with more acceptance and less guilt about whether I’m “doing enough.” My sister’s kindness and understanding have played a big part in that.
I chose not to join AA, but instead became part of Tribe Sober, which offers daily advice, talks, and shared experiences from members at all stages of recovery. It feels like being part of a special tribe where everyone looks out for one another.
Following Toevlug’s advice, I’m also seeing a psychiatrist, with several more sessions booked.
As for relapsing—yes, I did. It happened only after my court case for suspected drunken driving was dismissed (thankfully, I never had to appear in court) and I wanted to celebrate. But I did not return to my old destructive habits of sitting for hours at a slot machine, drinking heavily to numb everything.
I’ve also overcome the challenge of being around friends who drink—with their help. Because I shared my Toevlug experience with them, they’ve been supportive and even encourage me by not drinking themselves when we’re together.
I wish the Toevlug community all the best and hope that one day I can give back, whether by volunteering or helping in other ways.
