Learn how to prepare your elderly parents for a smooth transition to a retirement home by recognising the right time, having compassionate conversations, exploring care options in South Africa, and taking practical steps for a successful move.
Deciding to move elderly parents into a retirement home can be challenging and emotionally taxing. This delicate process involves objectively assessing care needs and having sensitive conversations, all aimed at ensuring a smooth retirement home transition for loved ones. Estelle Pretorius, Manager at Parow Senior Centre and Waldie Terblanche, Elderly-and Disability Care Coordinator at Badisa, provide valuable insights on how families can approach this process with love and care.
Understand elderly care options in South Africa
It’s important to know which elderly care options are available so that families can ensure their elderly loved ones are adequately taken care of. Pretorius explains that there are various elderly care options available in South Africa, each addressing different levels of need and include:
- Home-based care: Family members provide support at home, sometimes with the assistance of a carer.
- Community-based care: Carers from service centres or private services offer support to individuals who remain in their homes or live with family.
- Daycare for seniors: Provides daytime support and activities, allowing seniors to engage in a community setting.
- Independent living: Allows seniors to live in a safe environment, often with a care facility on-site for emergencies.
- Assisted living: Offers help with daily activities while maintaining a level of independence.
- Residential and specialised care facilities: Provide more intensive support with care services tailored to individual needs.
“It remains the responsibility of families to make sure their loved ones remain part of the family and community and that they are not isolated in the home.”
Waldie Terblanche
Recognising when it’s time to consider a retirement home
Says Terblance, “If an older person requires full-time care or their health necessitates ongoing nursing care, it may be time to consider a home. It is recommended that an assessment be done to determine the elderly person’s health and cognitive status, preferably by a geriatric psychiatrist.”
Signs that indicate it might be time to consider a retirement home include inability to self-care, loneliness or self-isolation, memory loss or confusion, fall risks, lack of stimulation and the need for medical or physical support.
Having the conversation with elderly parents about moving to a retirement home
Discussing the move to a retirement home can be challenging, especially if parents are resistant.
Pretorius advises, “Be honest about the shortcomings of staying at home or with family and be open about what they can expect at a home—care, support, peer socialisation and opportunities to make new friends.” She also suggests involving a trusted person in this conversation.
Terblanche adds, “This is never an easy discussion, but children should approach it in such a way that the older person feels valued and that their best interest is at heart.” He recommends easing parents into acceptance rather than forcing them to go, suggesting that discussions can begin long before the move is necessary. “It might also be valuable if they know of friends or relatives in a home who can share their experience.”
Addressing emotional reactions to retirement home transition
The idea of moving to a retirement home can evoke a range of emotions in elderly parents.
Terblanche points out that responses vary from person to person. “Some older persons may welcome the move since they have prepared themselves for the possibility,” he says. For those who are not ready, it’s important to ensure they understand that the family will remain involved, visiting regularly and maintaining daily contact. “Agree on a program of contact and visits to put them at ease,” adds Pretorius.
Ultimately, retirement homes do not replace family or loved ones. “Always be available, engage with staff and other seniors, get to know your loved one’s new environment, and be actively involved in events at the new home. Also, give them some freedom to make decisions regarding their finances,” says Pretorius.
Terblanche advises allowing older persons to remain independent for as long as possible. “Let them continue to do things for themselves as they did before, and allow them to make their own decisions about their lives and needs.”
Choosing the right elderly care option
When choosing the best elderly care option for your elderly loved one, ultimately affordability is key. It’s important to research and compare costs, including reviewing any price increases over the past five years to get an idea of future expenses. This will help ensure that the chosen option remains within your budget and that services like frail care are accessible if it becomes necessary.
Practical steps for a smooth transition to a retirement home
“Involving parents in the decision-making process when planning to move to a retirement home is very important,” says Pretorius. They need to feel they have a responsibility in the decision.
“Their opinion should be valued as it will be their new home in the future.”
Waldie Terblanche
Pretorius recommends letting elderly parents be part of the solution. “Take them to various homes so they can get a feel for the place, staff, and atmosphere. Give them choices so they feel they have some control over what will happen.”
Introduce them to the manager and staff, show them around. Says Terblanche, “Explain the activities available at the home so they can see how they will fit in. Take them to have lunch with the residents or let them attend an open day.”
When the time comes for the actual move, families must rally together and support each other during this time. Also, encourage positivity about the new chapter of their lives and alleviate any fears your elderly parents may have.
“Be part of the packing up and go through this journey with love and respect.”
Estelle Pretorius
Helping elderly parents prepare for a move to a retirement home requires understanding, empathy, and careful planning. If you need help or advice in making this important life decision, contact Badisa at 076 980 4465 or email info@badisa.org.za.
